Sarah McCarten


Some thoughts on being a girl.

My friend received a book for Christmas; it’s called A Guide for Modern Gentlemen. He got it from his girlfriend –  I wonder if she’s trying to tell him something? It got me thinking; apart from those Wild at Heart/Captivating books [which, incidentally, only left me feeling angry and disappointed with myself] I’d never really read anything with a Christian slant. I had a look around, I looked on and perused our church bookshop, and I didn’t really find anything that appealed in printed and bound material. I did however find a wealth of helpful information online.

I had a lot of fun reading a lot of blogs.

The thing that I noticed overwhelmingly is that most, but not all, people want men to behave like men and women to behave like women.

This goes for me too, and I never really realised it before now.

I’m struck by my almost automatic disinclination towards men who are not chivalrous. I’m not talking about young men that I have dated or I’m interested in dating. I’m talking about the general male population. I really like kind men.

I didn’t always feel like this.

I love that there are men in my life who I can call up and ask for their help –  when I have a full car that needs unloading, or need some furniture built. I love that there is a man in my life who always checks if I need my rubbish putting out when he leaves my house, even if he’s only been visiting for a cup of tea. I love that when we go walking in the woods there are men who offer me their arm or take my hand through particularly muddy parts. I love that I have men in my life who carry the bags and hold the door for me.

I didn’t always feel like this.

I love that these men do these things without the ulterior motive of becoming involved with me romantically.

I didn’t always feel like this.

I love these men because they do these things to help me, rather than to disempower me.

I didn’t always feel like this.

For a long time I thought that the young men who treated me like a young lady wanted to control me or take something from me. Sometimes this is exactly what they wanted, but for the most part they were simply kind men.

I feel a great sense of regret for the times in my life when I’ve not let the men in my life act like gentlemen. I wanted to be a strong woman, (I still do), but went about it in entirely the wrong way.

Making a man feel like less of a man does not help me feel like a strong woman. Even if it did, that doesn’t make it right.