Sarah McCarten

Thirty things I’ve learnt from Christian online dating. A guest post from Abigail Spencer.

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thirty_things I’m so excited for you guys to read this; I can’t even tell you… Enjoy.

Any blokes reading this, I apologise in advance… I’m quite nice really…

1) Even if a man comes across as a ‘gentleman’ throughout a date… don’t be too confident as at the last minute he may well try to slip you a bit of tongue when you’re unsuspecting…

2) If halfway through a date your mind is wandering to the possibility and excitement of a Big Mac as opposed to the exciting discussion of sewage systems… he probably is not ‘the one’ for you…

3) If a man treats you with respect and like a princess but you don’t feel as though you deserve it, accept it and remember that a) this is how God sees you and b) it is probably God trying to tell you who you are in his eyes… God’s clever like that.

4) When your date offer to pay for drinks/meal/taxi etc – accept it!

5) If your date offers to pay for drinks/meal/taxi etc this is a positive sign as if he isn’t willing to treat you on your first date, how kind and generous is he going to be in 20 years when he’s not trying to impress you?

6) On a first date, it is probably not advisable to go back to their private abode, especially after having a few alcoholic beverages, (so I have been warned…)

7) Don’t trust the photographs!! They very misleading! They may give you an indication of what the person looks like – but they don’t give ‘the full picture’…

8) If you realise you are the most interesting person on the date, i.e. you’re the one stimulating most of the conversation and the other person doesn’t really haven’t much to say back… then I’m not sure he’s the one for you…

9) If you’re not feeling ‘it’ – don’t force it… However….

10) If there’s a spark/chemistry between you but he’s not ‘normally your type’/you’re not automatically attracted to him… don’t write him off, we, as the female species often become more attracted to a man the more we get to know him…

11) Have a selection of ice-breaker questions for introductory emails… it really helps to get to know whether someone is on the same wavelength as you as opposed to the bog-standard boring questions of, ‘where do you live, what do you do’ etc.

12) While online, don’t feel pressurised to give out your number, personal email address or video chat with someone if you’re not comfortable, in my experience, all blokes who have pushed me/pressurised me to do this have only been after one thing… which leads me onto my next point…

13) Yup, hate to break it to you but yes, there are Christians on Christian dating websites who are only after one thing… and that’s not your Bible…

14) Which leads me onto another related point… trust your instincts… if someone comes across a bit odd/inappropriate/dodgy/sleazy etc… you’re probably right. Wolves in sheep’s clothing and all that.

15) In contrast however… it can be a bit of an adventure to get chatting to people you wouldn’t normally would… use wisdom and intuition!

16) There are some real gentlemen out there, and they may not be ‘the one’, so when possible let them down as gently as you can…

17) See each date as something you can learn from and an adventure.

18) Be willing to share!! He might not be ‘the one’ for you but if you could imagine him with one of your friends – be generous and hook them up! It may smart a tad but it’s a good thing to do.

19) If you are trying to save time by ‘cutting and pasting’ on introductory emails – make sure you change the name at the top. Awkward is all I can say, plus it doesn’t help to break the ice.

20) If you have been in regular contact with someone and then decide not to pursue it for whatever reason – let them know – it’s not fair to keep them hanging on and it’s not pleasant when it happens to you.

21) Don’t feel guilty for applying the ‘Value Match Hypothesis’ (Thibaut and Kelley, 1978), which explains that relationships are most likely to be successful if both individuals within a relationship are of a similar level of attractiveness, intelligence, background and have similar beliefs.

22) Be patient… however once a ‘person of interest’ is identified, it’s important to meet up within a reasonable amount of time (some research says the optimum time to meet up in order to have a successful relationship is within two weeks…!) Otherwise there is a risk of getting too emotionally attached and/or too hopeful which inevitably leads to disappointment when finally meeting in person.

23) It’s really entertaining to divulge the highs and lows of your date to your close friends… some dates with some people turn into very funny stories…

24) Internet dating is a constant reminder that most people can’t spell, or use grammar… or punctuation… (a pet hate of mine).

25) Most people do actually mean what they say on their profile… don’t make the mistake of emailing them and mentioning to them that something they had written on their profile was a funny joke and made you laugh, they may well have written it in all seriousness… again… awkward…

26) Searching through all the different profiles can feel a bit like being a child in a sweet shop…

27) Make your profile ‘full’, don’t leave questions unanswered, but at the same time don’t give your whole life story i.e. “My pet hamster, Pickles died when I was 6 and then…and then…”

28) It’s fun!

29) It is fun… but it can also be a bit disheartening… during the disheartening times – (as explained in point 30) hold on to God, his promises for you and stand on Faith that God wants the best for you… and keep going… (easier said than done…)

30) Whatever you do throughout the whole process, hold on to God, his love and the knowledge that he wants, and is fighting for the best for you. (This IS however, again, easier said than done).

540102_10151001766626910_1912382922_n (4)Abigail is a social work student who’s passionate about lots of things especially about giving chirldren the best possible start in life, working with them through dificulites, and helping them to reach thier potential. She lives in North Lond and is, (obviously, currently), single… She decided to do ’20 first dates’, in order to make finding ‘the one’ a little more fun and a little less ‘serious’.

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Author: sarahmccarten

sarahmccarten.com

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