I want to tell you about a club. It’s a club that I am not a member of, and I have no desire to join. (I would like to be married one day, but being someone’s wife and being part of this club are not the same thing.)
The club has a lot of members who do not even know that they are part of it, but probably an equal amount who do. There are married people in it, and even some unmarrieds.
‘What exactly is this club?’ I hear you asking! It’s difficult to define the precise ethos of this group, but it has something to do with either finding one’s identity in being married (or in one’s relationship) or in one’s spouse (or boyfriend/girlfriend) over anything else.
If I’m honest I don’t have much idea what goes on at their meetings, and it’s not my business, I know that they go on though, but they tend not to even mention them to single people, you know in case we invade? Don’t get me wrong, this club is not about meetings, so if you’re not invited to one you can’t be sure that you’re not part of the club.
So I write five presenting factors that identify your participation in the Married Club.
You struggle to be apart from your spouse.
I have a lot of friends who have married someone, or are dating someone outside of our social circles. Which means in order to see said friend, we have to get to know new husband/boyfriend (preferable) or only spend time with our attached friend when their other half is busy (more likely). I can’t tell you how many messages I get saying ‘[insert name here] is busy tonight fancy a drink?’ Errrrr…… NO. Or even worse (this happens less often because some of my friends are a little scared of me) I get a message saying; ‘[insert name here] has cancelled her/his plans tonight so I can’t see you.’
This says to your friends that they are worth nothing compared to your spouse (boyfriend/girlfriend). This is not good enough. It is right; that your partner should be your favourite person and that they should be your priority – but not at all costs. I hope that should I marry, my husband will be my favourite person, and I will be his, but I can’t ever imagine wanting to spend all my time solely in his company.
You want to marry off the rest of us – so that we can be as happy as you, obviously.
It may be a shock but I need to tell you, sometimes single people are happy. That’s right – happy being single. I know that sentence barely makes sense to most people in the Married Club. We are not happily waiting to be married. We are genuinely happy being a single people who may or may not marry someday. This is not a bad thing.
Please don’t try to fix us. If we’d like your help we will ask you for it – thanks!
You struggle to have single people at your dinner parties.
The worst kind of marrieds can’t have a single person around for dinner alone. So you invite two of us, you know, to make up the numbers, and it ALWAYS turns into the worst kind of double date. Let me tell you, we don’t need anyone else to complete us – we have Jesus for that – thank you very much!
Other marrieds have two types of dinner party, one for your married friends and one for the unmarrieds. This is also unhelpful (although slightly less unhelpful than the aforementioned group). It generally turns into something resembling a very disorganised speed dating meeting. It’s messy, it’s unhappy, and no one leaves feeling good. We feel like you’re feeling guilty for having too many dinner parties with just married people so you have one for us – this is not good.
Your other half is your point of reference… for everything.
This is the one that makes me feel most nauseous. You make everything in you life about your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend. I ask you if you like mushrooms, you tell me ‘yes, but [insert name here] hates them’, well I’m out to lunch with you, so I don’t much care. I ask you if you’re free to meet, you tell me you’ll check with [insert name here], well sorry to make this awkward but they weren’t invited! And so it on it goes.
I know you just want to check with them, I know they are on your mind, but it’s really horrid and usually embarrassing, please stop it.
It makes you seem really shallow. It makes you seem as though you didn’t have anything to talk about before they came along. This is not a good look for you, trust me!
Your relationships with your friends change dramatically if you break up.
This is the one that makes me the most sad. It goes like this, you are friends, then you get a girlfriend or a boyfriend and your friendship tails off. In some senses this is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be as extreme as it sometimes is. Later comes the news that you guys have split up, you don’t usually tell us yourself, we hear it from someone else, or on Facebook. We feel sad for you, we really do. The thing we wonder though is; ‘how long until he/she wants to spend more time with me again?’ This always happens, this is always the case. You will call, or text, or start responding to our calls and texts again. Know this, we will be gracious, we will spend time with you, we will want you to feel better, we do love you, BUT we will feel like we are your consolation prize.
Please try your hardest to maintain your friendships while you’re in your Married Club, you never know when you might need us again.
This is of course a tongue-in-cheek look at the married people in my life. It is intended to make you laugh, if it makes you angry with me, sorry about that, perhaps it’s a little more harsh than I intended.